Monday, June 18, 2012

Self-doubt and Hope

Don't you just hate that moment when you're watching the most beautiful movie ever and as the credits roll you sob, "I will never write a story as good as that!"

Currently, that is how I feel minutes after finishing BBC's miniseries North and South. Despite my anguish, I highly recommend it. It is by far the best period drama/romance I have ever beheld and I doubt I will ever find a better one. Even though I said nearly the exact same thing last week after watching the 1996 version of Emma, as my mother might point out. However, I have never felt such emotion through out a movie as this one and the ending turned my heart into a puddle of beautiful feelings I cannot quite describe.

But yes, moments after it ended, I felt my tears of absolute joy at the character's "happily ever after" turn to tears of sadness and self-pity. How could I ever even begin to create a love story as tender, as wonderful, as Margret's and Mr. Thornton's? I want people to read my story and as they shut the book, feel the emotions of pure bliss and hope that North and South gave me. But, surely, I do not have the capacity for such beauty and love.

However, it does gives me something besides despair in my ability of story telling. It gives me something to work toward. A goal. It showed me the emotions I wish to instill upon my audience someday. It proved to a somewhat cynical heart like mine that, maybe, there is such thing as true and undying love. It handed me a large dose of  hope and whispered, "Someday, if its really what you want, you will write a story this beautiful."

And it also made me realize that watching amazing movies is probably a lot more enjoyable when you are not an aspiring author... sigh...


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