Thursday, March 14, 2013

I Want to Believe

Recently, my parents made the mistake of suggesting that I watch the TV show, The X-Files. I'm really into the whole science fiction thing, plus, I'm slightly in love with the FBI. My parents really should have known better because the show has practically become the center of my life recently. And last night, as I lay in bed, knowing I should sleep because I had a test this morning, I couldn't stop thinking about the show. I'm one episode away from completing the Fourth season right now so I've watched just about 100 episodes thus far. (And I'm not going to tell you the period of time in which I watched all that. I have some dignity to uphold.) But, as I lay there in bed, I wondered what--apart from the whole being a sci-fi show with FBI agents--about the show do I like so much. And this is what I came up with and found extremely interesting:

The X-Files is about two FBI special agents. Fox Mulder is a firm believer in aliens and all things supernatural. The picture is similar to a poster Mulder keeps on the wall of his office. Dana Scully is a medical doctor, raised in the Catholic church, who needs science to back everything. In other words, Mulder and Scully rarely see eye to eye. And they work on what's known as the FBI's X-Files--which are all cases with unexplainable elements to them. So, obviously, when they go out to work on these cases, Mulder is quick with some theory about extraterrestrials or psychics or vampires or anything with a paranormal element. While Scully looks more for medical and scientific facts when formulating a hypothesis.

Yet, despite their differences, an interesting relationship develops between the two. They begin to trust no one but each other. When Scully goes missing, Mulder stops at nothing to find her--at one point, even holding a gun to the Assistant Director's of the FBI head when he believes his superior is withhold important information on Scully's whereabouts. And when something happens to Mulder, Scully even gives up her strict need for scientific evidence while trying to find a way to help him.

By the end of season one, I couldn't deny that the two were in love. But, it was more than that. They were partners, therefore a relationship was completely out of the question. Forming one would most likely mean reassignment and neither of them wanted that. And while they definitely don't sit and talk about their feelings for each other--at least not yet, anyway--and they haven't kissed, you know they feel it.

And, for me, that's the most beautiful part. They haven't kissed, yet. And, beyond a few hugs and a couple of brief scenes of hand holding, their relationship is completely platonic. And they don't need it to be anything more than that. Because their relationship is more than sleeping with each other like most other TV shows, movies and books these days depict. Their relationship is the epitome of friendship, trust, reliability, dependability, and tenderness.

They are there for each other anytime they need the other. Like when Scully found her cancerous tumor and the first person she called was Mulder. Or when Mulder woke up in a hotel bedroom, covered in someone else's blood and no memory of how it got there, Scully left her home at 5am on Sunday morning to drive three hours to help him.

Last night I realized that, like Mulder, I want to believe. No, not in aliens. But in love. Recently, I have become very cynical of love. I can't pinpoint exactly when this emotion hit me, but when it did, it sort of rocked my hopeless romantic world. I wanted nothing to do with the Hallmark channel, the books I normally read, or even my own writing. I had fallen out of love with the idea of love. And it was a dark few months, indeed. I honestly gave up all hope in it. Not just for me, but for anyone. I didn't believe in love.

But Mulder and Scully--despite being fictional characters--are rebuilding the idea of love for me. So I created a little poster for myself, modeled off of Mulder's:


Sorry for the nerdy/dorkiness of this blog. And my lame photoshop skills. But I couldn't help it. I'm in love with The X-Files. ;)

-Amy